My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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