the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
