yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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