dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
