I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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