I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
