i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BRING THE BAGELS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
