Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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