I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
