Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize