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Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Randomize
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