ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize