wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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