I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
