I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
