You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
