you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
