I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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