i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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