One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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