Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
