R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is Oprah even human
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
