I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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