Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
