i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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