You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
