took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're a waste of cheezeits
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize