his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can you bring me the toilet please
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
