Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
