please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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