did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize