she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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