so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
