eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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