Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
