He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
