i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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