if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
false alarm. still invincible.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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