dude i'm inner monologue high
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
