This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
