i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
