My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
