i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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