don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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