How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
