OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
