with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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