The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
