just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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