This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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