R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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