note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize