I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
