The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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