And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
