She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
