Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I look better un-naked...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
