I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
