That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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