Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
