If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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