Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
